Bubba Gump Beans!
by Tambear
Summary: Ficlet from my story "Friends, Family and Feckin' Idiots!" Written in responce to a query in relation to Chapter 9 involving beans and Merlin's cooking skills, ie what he did to leave Percy with scars and why he's not to be trusted in the kitchen!


******This is a ficlet from my story "Friends, Family and Feckin' Idiots!" **

**I wrote this in responce to a query about what exactly did merlin do with beans that could possibly leave Percy with scars - from chapter 9, "The Art of Wooing!" when Merlin is panicking about cooking dinner for Arthur! **

**Unbeta'd! Only took them out to play, I returned them because I had to (for the time being) and no profit made!**

**Enjoy!**

**PS. I don't know if this would actually happen... **

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><p><strong>Bubba Gump Beans:<strong>

"I'm home," Gwaine hollered when he opened the front door.

"Yippee!" Came the excited shout as Merlin bounded over the sitting room, jumping up onto the armchair and hopping up and down.

Percy laughed from his spot on the couch, "Welcome back."

"You not got him house trained yet?" Gwaine asked, raising an eyebrow at Percy.

"Dude, you've been gone ten days. It's gonna take a little longer than that," Percy said seriously. "But he can make toast now!"

"Excellent," Gwaine beamed.

"We're moving onto beans next, anyway good trip?"

"Oh, who cares?" Merlin huffed, giving Percy an exasperated look, "whatcha get us?" His eyes gleamed looking at Gwaine as he put his bag on the floor.

Gwaine rolled his eyes at the over excited Merlin and threw himself onto the sofa.

"Great trip," he grinned as Merlin pouted and sank down onto his arse, knees up to his extraordinary ears.

"Ah, look at his little face," Percy cooed, elbowing Gwaine.

"Shut up," Merlin pouted.

"Presents are in the bag," Gwaine said, pointed to the duty free bag beside his travel bag.

"Yay," Merlin squeaked, tipping out of the chair and straightening himself with great flourish.

He brought the bag and knelt at the coffee table, taking great care extracting the contents. Two hundred Marlboro lights, a litre of Captain Morgan's and a litre of vodka.

"Well, that'll last the night," Merlin grinned, "but where's my real present?"

Gwaine sighed and got up.

"Here," he said, shoving a package into Merlin's outstretched arms.

"Life is like a box of chocolates," Percy drawled, while Merlin beamed at his novelty glass from Bubba Gump Shrimp.

"I don't even like shrimp," Gwaine huffed.

"So how was New York?" Merlin asked.

"Great!" Gwaine said smugly.

"Did you actually see any of it?" Percy asked with a roll of his eyes.

"Oi! Of course I did," Gwaine winked, "saw Times Square when we had to go to that bloody restaurant."

"Thought so, and how is Arthur?"

"Delicious as always," Gwaine said smugly, Percy hit him.

"So you flew three thousand miles for a shag?" Merlin asked, eyebrows raised.

"No," Gwaine grinned, "there were multiple shags."

"And you call me desperate," Merlin said shaking his head.

"Enough out of you, Bambi." Gwaine admonished, "I'm knackered and I'm hungry – someone feed me!"

"Merlin," Percy looked at him seriously, "beans on toast."

"Okie dokie," he said standing and heading off to the kitchen.

"So," Percy said, turning to Gwaine, "How is Arthur?"

"S'grand," Gwaine shrugged. "You know our little princess, you only see what he wants you to see."

They both fell silent, watching Top Gear on the TV.

Suddenly there was a bang from the kitchen and a high pitched yell. Both men looked at each other and then sprang from the sofa, running to see what had happened.

Percy skidded to halt in the doorway, Gwaine crashing into his back.

"What the..." Gwaine trailed off when he saw the scene.

There was smoke billowing out of the microwave, Merlin was crouched on the floor – tea-towel held out like a shield.

"Merlin, what did you do?" Percy asked, staring wide eyed at their kitchen appliance.

"I didn't do anything!" He protested standing up, glaring at the microwave as if it had personally offended him.

Percy walked over and picked up a wooden spoon off the counter and stepped towards the billowing microwave.

"Careful," Gwaine hissed, slowly moving forwards as well.

Percy stretched out the spoon, poking at the open button. A few sparks flew outwards as the door popped open, slowly swinging and the three leaned forward to peer in.

Smoke poured out, a small flame the only distinguishable thing in the haze of fumes. Gwaine went and opened a window.

When, finally, all the smoke had dissipated there stood a tin of Bachelor's baked beans. The trademark blue wrapper, burnt to a crisp, no longer recognisable. The lid bubbling up, and the tin blackened.

"Guess you didn't finish the lesson on beans?" Gwaine said, pointing at the can.

Percy slapped a hand over his face. "Merlin, you don't put the can in the microwave," he said, sounding exasperated.

"You don't?" Merlin looked sheepish.

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer," Percy shook his head, reaching for a tea-towel. He threw it at Merlin, "your mess, you clean up."

"Too right," Gwaine put in.

"Is it safe?" Merlin asked, looking hesitant, "cause you know, my mam said I shouldn't do anything that will put me in peril."

"What are you? An endangered species?" Gwaine asked, looking amused.

"Well, he is one of a kind," Percy laughed, shaking his head at their little incomparable dolt. "Gimme that," Percy took the tea-towel off him.

He wrapped it around his hand and picked up the tin of beans, walking over to the sink.

Percy must have squeezed the tin, or it was the movement that caused the tin to explode.

The lid popped off and beans, scalding hot beans went everywhere.

Gwaine ducked under the kitchen table, Merlin dropped to the floor and Percy dropped the tin, jumping backwards.

The pool of tomato sauce and beans on the floor was bubbling.

Percy was yelling, flailing his arms about. He was covered in piping hot beans and sauce.

"Oh god!" Merlin shrieked. Gwaine ran to the sink, turning the tap on to fill it with cold water. Merlin grabbed a pot from the top of the cooker, filling it and threw it over Percy.

"Thank you, Merlin," Percy glowered. He did not look impressed, and it's pretty hard to annoy Percy. He was standing in a pool of water and beans, dripping wet.

Gwaine tried, unsuccessfully to hold in his laughter. "Oh, it's good to be home!"

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed and Thanks for reading! <strong>

Would love to hear your comments =D

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